What is a Sexual Fetishist?

February 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm | Posted in What is a Sexual Fetishist? | 9 Comments
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Q. What is a sexual fetishist?

A. Mr. Answers is seriously beginning to wonder about who, exactly, is reading him.

Anyway, “sexual fetishist” is a term speech therapists employed as an articulation exercise until the mid-1950’s, when their patients started suing them. Perhaps the therapists were unaware that a sexual fetishist is a person who associates with the sexual act an object which a normal person would be more inclined to associate with a bad garage sale. Although the three most common sexual fetishes are for rubber, shoes, and leather, almost any inanimate object can become the focus of a sexual fetish: lamps, bedroom slippers, clock radios, flatwear, and so on. The fact is that if you can find it in a JC Penny’s catalog, you can find someone who enjoys dressing it in lingerie.

While it is possible to have more than one sexual fetish at a time, multifetishism is not recommended. For one, it can put an undo amount of strain on one’s imagination, since as the number of objects de’ fetish increase, so does the challenge of working each object into one congruous sexual fantasy. For instance, a person possessed of fetishes for rubber, shoes, and leather might have to think for days before conjuring up what for him would be the ultimate sexual image: Bozo in a wet suit sitting on a cow. Of course, as with all endeavors, practice makes perfect: soon, just the fantasy of a cow wearing rubber galoshes might do the trick.

While it is possible for a sexual fetishist to be cured, it happens rarely. In Chicago recently a man with a leather fetish was spontaneously healed when a woman on the subway with him unwittingly snapped her purse shut on his nose. Early research suggests it’s possible to cure a rubber fetishist by dressing him in a rain slicker, fitting him into a tractor tire, and rolling him down a hill. Shoe fetishes are the easiest to cure: few can maintain their podiatric passion once they’ve contracted their first case of athlete’s nose.

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9 Comments »

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  1. Its funny how some questions just get the creative juices going.

  2. Thank you for that disturbing observation, Ric.

  3. John, I think that’s just the thing–your readers are likely very normal and appropriate people, who hear a term and aren’t sure whether or not they should be offended. Yet they don’t feel like they can ask this sort of thing of, say, their pastor, because what if it’s something really twisted, and what if the pastor thinks they’re asking because they want to maybe explore the topic further…and furthermore then the pastor thinks they’re asking because they think (s)he knows because (s)he is into said topic. Depending on your denomination you could be tossed out with the rest of the pagans by dinnertime. Or placed into leadership; either way.

    On the other hand, some of us already know the answers to questions about nudists & sexual fetishists and whatnot, but we are completely crass and are probably the ones you should be more concerned about. For example, I recently had to explain the term “morningwood” to my mom. In a restaurant, in front of my husband, dad, and grandma. Even though I blushed, if there had been any lingering hope in my family of my being ladylike in any form, it’s long gone now.

    All that to say that you’re doing a great service, educating the public in this way. Next time I get a question about an explicit sexual term, I’m sending Mom to you.

  4. Really? Morningwood? What the heck is that? Some kind of … lumber term? A tree of some sort? What? Could you explain it, please? Perhaps a picture, if you’ve got one. Visual aides are always a good way to help people learn.

    (By the way, this final sentence of yours is as funny as anything I’ve ever read. I died.)

  5. I’ll make a flannelgraph for you–lemme get right on that.

  6. Thanks! Thanks! I know all my readers are eagerly awaiting you getting right on informing us.

  7. Hmm… instead of going through the elaborate mental trauma (excitement?) of trying to imagine “Bozo in a wet suit sitting on a cow,” why wouldn’t a leather-rubber-shoe fetishist just imagine a shoe? A leather shoe with rubber soles. One object; three fetishes. Package deal (pun intended?). As in, killing two birds with one stone. Or… three fetishes with one piece of footwear.

  8. Afshaan: You’re a genius. A scary, disturbed genius—but a genius.

  9. people do not have lamp or clock radio fetishes,a puerile interest in things not of your concern is a dead giveaway foir a deep seated as yet unrecognized perverted fetish of the degraded kind,any questions? please feel free to inquire.i cure all unwanted sexual disorders,with a multi disciplinary,octagonal level approach.


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